Apr 19

Do you want cheese to go with the wine?

I try not to whine, but some days are hard.  This time I opted to leave out the “h” and just have wine and it was good.

Connie and I met with Dr. Katz, yesterday, and he told me that he had been thinking about me quite a lot over the past few weeks.  This has been a difficult week for everyone, but our conversation ended with a unanimous decision to wait for more than a year before considering another surgery.  We’re still scheduled for a check up on October 7th.  That’s all fine with me.

After Dr. Katz left, Connie and I spent a wonderful evening together.  I’m still a sucker for those beautiful, blue eyes.

Apr 18

Annoyed? Get over it.

As many of you know, I’ve had several surgeries over the past couple of years.  Since my last post, on April 2nd, I had an appointment with Dr. Katz, my Neuro-Ophthalmologist.  It happened to be the day after my 2 year anniversary of brain surgery.  Maybe I was feeling a little extra punchy.  Maybe I was tired of a lot of work and very few results.  Maybe I’m tired of draining my maxed out Healthcare Spending Account in the first quarter of the year.  
Instead of looking for a solution, I got mad.  I wanted to give up.  I’m not in the business of making excuses for someone else.  I don’t make them for myself… well, I try not to.  I know that people don’t want to hear my sob story, but I’m human too.  For you to know me, you’ll have to experience my highs and some of my lows (we need to have SOME secrets).  
As I laid in bed this morning, I started counting the days.  He met with me on the 2nd and told me he would call me after doing some “homework”.  This would be no later than the 9th.  After not receiving a call, I called his cell phone and sent him a text on the 10th.  So, I called his office on the 15th.  After speaking with Kathleen, his receptionist, and Amanda, his nurse, I was told that I would definitely get a call back by the end of the day.  Still nothing.  So here I sit wallering in self-pity because I didn’t get a return call.  So what?  How is that going to help me.  It’s not.  Negative energy won’t solve anything.  It only creates more problems.  I called them again today and the message to me was that Dr. Katz left me a voicemail yesterday.  I got nuttin’.  So what?  Maybe I should fall back in a hole and wait for someone to reach out to me.  How will that help?  It won’t.  In order for others to care about and respect you, YOU have to care about and respect YOURSELF.  
Last week I told Connie that I think I’m done.  (with surgeries, that is :-))  I’ve mentioned to other people that “I think I am who I’m going to be.”  Maybe I am.  I think the evolution has just begun.  My outside may not change, but I’m hoping and (yes) praying that the inside does.  I want more.  I want to love more, live more and give more.  
At the end of May I’m going to start a new journey.  You see, a few of my friends already know and I’m not sure that I do.  Through coaching and mentoring, I hope to find out for myself….”Why/”  Look for to come on that later.
For now, I await a call from Dr. Katz.  If I don’t hear from him, I’ll call back.  It won’t be with anger in my voice, it won’t be to apologize for being a pest and it certainly won’t be to make an excuse for the doctor.  “I know you’re very busy” 🙂  Welcome to my world.  
Then at 12:30 this afternoon, I got a call from Dr. Katz.  He apologized and told me a little of what he has been going through.  You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.  But, as far as my circumstance goes, it ‘s a side-note.  He said that he’s been thinking about me a lot.  (Doesn’t everyone :-))  He’d like to have more time than just a phone call or office visit would take.  He asked if we could meet for a cup of coffee or glass of wine.  Are you kidding me?  I asked when I could meet.  I can meet right away, but what really matters is Connie’s schedule.  He said that was a good point, because “she’ll have a lot more questions than you.”  We both LOL’d. 
I’ll let you know how our meeting goes.  I was annoyed, but I got over it and the phone rang.