What’s It Like to See Double?

This is a tough subject for me to write about.  No-one can really imagine what I see, but I’d like to give you an idea.  The idea is that you’ll have an appreciation.  Maybe someday this will help somebody.

I often remind people that I only have one eye.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I actually have two eyes. One that I use and another that I keep under covers.  Not intentionally, my right eye lid refuses to work.

These issues stem (pun intended :-)) from the Cavernous Malformations in my brain that bled in 2011. For those of you new to my blog, you can get the full story here.

You may have experienced double vision.  If you have, I’m sorry to hear that.  It’s definitely one of the most difficult things that I’ve had to deal with.  I’m sure that most people have forgotten or maybe think that I’m adapting well to having just one eye.  Is that what you think?

I can tell you that it’s not quite that simple.  My vision actually changes minute-to-minute…literally.  How can that be?!?  I wish it weren’t, but I can honestly say that I have very dynamic vision.

When my right eye is fully closed and my left eye has had a chance to wake up, my vision is good. Monocular, but still good.

When my right eye pops open there is a lot more light in my world, which is great.  What’s not so great is that my eyes still don’t go together, so I have double vision.  That can change too.  Depending on the situation, my images can be in any number places.  It’s not nearly as simple as the attached picture.  For example, when I shave, my right eye goes asleep…kind of.  It’s hard to describe, but when that eye falls asleep it falls in toward my nose.  However, I can still see out of it.

How do I determine which image to look at?  Well, I don’t always pick the right one, but it’s usually the one with a crisper image.  It’s a very non-perfect 3-dimensional world.  That’s because having 2 good eyes allows you to see depth, as well as width and length of objects.

When I’m monocular, I can only see in 2 dimensions.  That means, if you toss me something chances are that I will not catch it.  I’ll probably just look at you or duck out of the way.

In case you’re wondering, in October of 2011, Dan Cox at The Ohio State University Driving Rehabilitation Program approved me to drive again.

There’s 3 things to take from this post about me:

  1. If you can see my right eye, it’s probably not a good day for me.  My balance may be off, which is really not uncommon.
  2. Don’t throw me anything that I wouldn’t mind if it hit me.  🙂
  3. It’s usually a safe bet, if you can’t see my left eye, you can assume that I don’t see you

I’m sure that’s more than you ever thought that you wanted to know.

There’s a few things to take from this post about you.

  1. In the end, the moral of this story is that you just have to keep going.
  2. Keep pushing through barriers.
  3. Keep trying new things.
  4. When people tell you that you can’t do something, acknowledge them and then prove them wrong.


This entry was posted in Eye Need Hope, Friendship, Leadership, Relationship, Uncategorized and tagged , , , by Brian. Bookmark the permalink.

About Brian

Hello, I'm Brian Wagner. I'm the father of three and the husband of one. Before I was any of that I was the youngest of ten that grew up on a tomato farm in Northwest Ohio. Life wasn't always easy. Some think that I was spoiled growing up as the baby. Well I'm still the baby and I'm still growing up. Maybe those two things are related. When I was ten years old I started to have have severe headaches and eventually blacked out. It took the doctors quite some time but they eventually decided that I would have to have a shunt put in that drains fluid from my brain to my abdomen. This put an end to my aspirations to be a great football player. Since then, I've had brain surgery, been in a coma (a few times) and have been left with limited use of my eyes. When the issue of March 2011 took place, I decided that I needed to do something about it. It's my mission to help people overcome adversity, just like I have, and have HOPE for the future. My kids need to know my story, but so does the world. I hope you enjoy my website EyeNeedHope.com. Here is where I will serve my tribe. Please pull up a chair and feel free to join us.

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